In what will be remembered as one of the all-time great sports interviews, gifted athlete Bigstrong Gudenfast deflected a record 19 questions from the media at a press conference Tuesday.
The questions each had a rating 8 or higher on the Brady Scale, which measures a queries’ relevance to the athlete’s most controversial personal matters. Gudenfast deftly avoided three questions about his housekeeper, Stefanie Leshman and her illegitimate pregnancy; two about massive fines imposed on him due to “Stomp Gate” (a controversy stemming from his stomping on the calf of an exposed lineman, Ricky Shields); one question concerning the Ricky Shields paternity test, a matter directly related to the civil suit lobbied against Shields by Stefanie Leshmen, and thirteen questions concerning the cold-blooded murder of Ricky Shields, an unsolved case in which Gudenfast is the primary subject.
In regards to the fines, Gudenfast referred all questions concerning money to his attornies.
As for the housekeeper, Gudenfast contends her pregnancy is the result of sexual intercourse with a man. Concerning the Shields paternity test, Gudenfast said he had no knowledge of the proceedings of a civil suit in which he was not named a plaintiff. And as for the the thirteen questions concerning the cold-blooded murder of Gudenfast’s former teammate and gay lover, Ricky Shields, Gudenfast would say only that he was overcome with sadness at the loss of such a fine piece of ass.
Video of the twenty-five minute press-conference was immediately sent to the Athlete Hall of Fame in Jerkwater, Nevada, where it will be re-mastered and scored by the New York Philharmonic before it’s enshrinement in the “Prized Press Conferences” display in “Broadcast Legends” wing of the Athlete Hall of Fame building. Critics have noted that while incredible and historical, the questions Gudenfast’s feat was a bit diminished because the questions he faced were not the most difficult.
“We all know he did it.” says sports analyst Vincent Philosha, “but no one asked him who he voted for.”