Visitors to the Indian subcontinent awoke this morning to a grisly scene. In the streets of New Delhi, Mumbai, Bengaluru, Monipur, and every other city, town, village, and enclave across the fertile land the dead bodies of men and boys lay charred and rotting in the dirt and sun. Few were spared in the nationwide gendercide that all but eliminated the country’s male population. Mothers clung fast to their infant baby boys but in most cases did not spare even their youngest teenaged sons. Formerly the to the world’s second most populous country, India is now home to about 562 million angry, murderous females.

Forensics experts say most of the men’s corpses show signs of repetitive blunt force trauma mostly afflicted before the flesh incinerated. The mass execution of males would appear to be a response to decades of rape, murder, abuse, and general mysogny the female population of India has suffered at the hands of Indian men. Indian women were routinely stoned to death and/or burned alive for offenses ranging from petting kittens to pre-marital sex. The worst offense a woman could commit in India is allowing herself to be raped by gangs of ruthless, dimwitted brutes.

The massacre is believed to have begun around 11:00pm, when most Indian men are fast asleep. Wednesday night saw rare jubilations for a holiday called “Aadamee kee Chhuttee,” which translates to “Holiday for Man.” Many an Indian husband returned home from work to a house of abundance: feasts were prepared, wine was poured, wives and daughters lavished them with affection and adulation. Alcohol, opium, and sex were all cited by forensics experts as the catalysts used to woo the unsuspecting men to sleep. Once unconscious, the men appear to have been stoned repeatedly until too weak to move. In some cases, forklifts and even a backhoe were used to dump large quantities of rock and concrete onto the larger slumbering males. Once thoroughly battered the men were doused in gasoline, rubbing alcohol, kerosene and in some cases dry grass and hay. Around midnight, after a solid hour of violent bashing that left them crippled and defenseless, the men were set alight and burned alive.

Many of the men weren’t known misogynists, in fact, many progressive thinkers and civil rights advocates were killed in the gendercide along with their ignorant, bigoted brethren.

“Everyone who thinks this way must be eliminated. Their time has passed…”

“They didn’t do enough to stop the others, so we killed them, too,” said one woman who asked not to be identified. “For centuries men have stoned and burned our daughters. And none of their own saw fit to stop them or punish them. So they all die. Plus it would have been too hard to decide who lives and dies, really. Much simpler to kill them all.”

Women have been subjugated, discriminated against and treated as lesser humans in India and the rest of the world for centuries. Poor, uneducated men have, for time immeasurable, failed to understand the immoral nature of their barbary towards the opposite sex, a transgression that finally proved fatal in India today. According to the women we interviewed, the men’s failure to treat women as equals was the only motive behind the killings.

“Everyone who thinks this way must be eliminated. Their time has passed,” said another unidentified lady. She pointed out that the massacre was no worse than the treatment the women had received at the hands of the men for generations.

“They killed their own wives and daughters because they thought these women had brought shame to their families. But no one had even heard of these women until they were murdered! The husbands have brought more shame to themselves, to our nation, and to Shiva, Vishnu, and Shakti then the women ever could have.”

The massacre was met with shock and outrage around the world today. Men everywhere have called for an immediate invasion of India by big, strong men with large guns. In the United States, President Trump has ordered all women to cover any exposed flesh when in public and banned them from speaking unless spoken to. The feminist activist group Women’s March has announced plans for peaceful, naked protests of the ban in cities worldwide, and the hashtag “freethenipple” began trending on twitter just this afternoon.


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